Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Mother's Day (from 5/10)

I know I posted my hatred towards Valentines Day this past here comes Mothers Day. Oy.
It all started when my grandmother passed away. And at 14ish years old, I knew my own mother would have a sucky Mothers Day from here on out. Thus, beginning the hatred.
So then I moved to Alabama (stupid), and I haven't had a Mothers Day with my mother since 2001. My fault, I know, but this will be the last one. I started dreading the day because it reminded me that I moved here, away from them, and now I have to live with it.
Then, in 2004, I went to the doctor, and they confirmed not only was I showing signs of cancer, I probably would never be able to have kids. If I were to get pregnant, it would more than likely result in a miscarriage, and they would need to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible. Luckily for me, nothing ever came of the cancer, just 6 months of going to St Vincents, and having them scan the area, and poke me with needles. Thank goodness Lowe's had kickarse insurance. So far, knock on wood, I am cancer free.
I never really thought about having kids. It just wasn't "me". I didn't really give it much thought when they said I couldn't have any. I was going through a breakup, and that douchenozzle was all I could think about at the time. When I met Scott, and we started making plans for our future, he told me he didn't want kids, and I said, well I can't have any. So there, no worries for us. It's only been in the past couple of years or so my mind was changed. I never thought I would admit it, but I would love to become a mother. I know some days, when Kamren has been horrible, I am just pacing by the window, hoping ANYONE would come and pick him up, because he's driving me nuts, and then I say a little prayer to the childless gods...keeping him everyday has also shown me, Scott and I could never have kids together. We are completely the opposite when it comes to parenting kids. Even though his mom and grandma tell me all the time, when he's bad, pop him on the butt. Well I can't. The one time I got mad enough, I popped him on the leg, and he was saying "I sowwry Lisa!!" I wanted to break down and cry, even though he does that everytime he's in trouble and he knows that's a way to get out of it, I swore I would never do it again. One reason I am so lenient is, he isn't mine. I know I can let him get away with anything in the world, and then send him home. If I had to deal with it 24-7, I know I would be a lot more strict. Like with Nellie, all her aunts let her get away with murder, but yet, even though I am not the Chief Guardian, we are under the same roof, and the last few months I am here, I am not letting her act like a hellion. She waited until right before bed time last night to come out of her room, and she didn't take a bath. When asked why, she said "I took one LAST night. I washed my hair and everything". I can't make her 14 year old self understand, that when you go to school or church you have to bathe. That's just a rule. Big Phil didn't say anything, just sighed, like "oh well, I fail". I was like HELL NO. I told Scott to make sure she bathes, and a few minutes later, she was just standing in the kitchen, and he said the time she's spent playing around the past few minutes she could have taken a bath. She stomped off to her room and went in the bathroom. I don't think she actually turned on any water, because I was doing the dishes and never felt the water pressure change, I think she just changed clothes. But nevertheless, someone actually made her mind. I fear for her once we leave.
But back to my "woe is me".
So after losing my grandmother, my sadness for my own mother, and finding out I would never have a mother's day of my own, I then lose my mother in law. A lady I loved SO much. I never could relate with people and their horror MIL stories, because mine was top notch. She was funny, obviously where Scott got his sense of humor, she was kind, and I could tell she loved me very much. So after that, I knew Mothers Day would be bleak in our home, so I said just forget it. Like Valentines Day, I have written it off as a commercial holiday.
However, I will celebrate my own mother on this day. As much as she has done for me, my sisters, and pretty much everyone else in Provencal, I think she deserves her own JuJu Day. She is my world, and I love her very much. (now you can forget I said that, I don't want to come off as mushy).

So here is to all the Mothers out there, may you enjoy your day, get the respect you deserve, and hug your little (or big) ones tightly. Enjoy what God gave you.

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