Sunday, April 24, 2011

Moth balls and a 9mm

Every night my sister and I go walking from her house to mine. Tonight SHE we decided to take a different route. It's still a mile and a half, but no traffic, and more hills. I was not a fan of it, but as always, I gave in to whatever she wanted. The way up there was great. Lots of hills, we felt the burn, and not one car did we have to dodge. At the end of this road is a cemetery that is allegedly haunted. I don't like going to this thing when I am in a vehicle with a weapon. We go in, I look around for about 2 minutes, and then I am like "time to go!"

So we get ready to finish the mile and a half back, then go to my house and back, and then we would have 6 miles. A mile longer than we planned, but hey, we need all the exercise we can get. So as we're walking, about 100 yards from the cemetery, there it is. Stretched across the road. A snake. Black, with a blue back. We immediately stopped in our tracks, and then started slowly stepping backwards. I have never really been afraid of snakes, but being this close to one, unprepared, was definitely unsettling. Especially since I just left my mom's for Easter and just had flip flops on my feet. Not the steel toe boots I needed at that moment.

I stayed where I was. I was petrified. I didn't know if I was supposed to check to see if it was alive, that somehow we missed it the first time, or if I was supposed to run for the border. I was proud I remained calm. Rebecca, however, took off running like I have never seen in my LIFE!! For real it was like Forrest Gump on fire!! My first thought was if it did charge at me, was I supposed to run in a zigzag pattern, but then I remembered, "oh wait that's if I am being chased by an alligator".
I realize then this snake is not moving, and there was nothing on the other side of us but a creepy old abandoned cemetery. So I did the last thing I wanted to do. I called our husbands.

*Cue Superman theme*

Literally one minute before they arrived, it slowly slithered into the woods.

However, here they come, laughing at us, scolding us for going down that road anyway.
Scott- "what did it look like?"
Me- "black, with a blue stripe on it's back"
Scott- "It was a blue racer, oh hell, that's not poisonous!"
Me- *dirty look*
Scott- "seriously, it can't do anything to you, it's harmless!"
Me- *dirty look*

Then he actually went looking for the snake. I yelled at him for being ridonkulus, and to get his arse in the truck!

So anyway, we rode back to my mothers, drank some water, and walked the 3 miles to my house and back. Not the exercise regimen I had in mind, but it was effective. I feel the burn in my calves.

Tomorrow I am sticking to the same boring route. Snake free is the way to be. I am taking moth ball and a 9mm just in case...

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Emotionally retarded

A friend of mine was talking about romance tonight. I am 32 years old, married almost 7 years. I don't have a clue what romance is. So, I asked Scott. He replied, "I don't know. Low lights, soft music. Stuff like that".

Well that is malarkey I never understood the buying women flowers. I've received many a bouquet in my lifetime, and the best part wasn't the flowers, or the cards, but just the fact he took a second of his day to think about me. Scott buys me Slim Jims and Icees. He knows what I like.

But seriously, if you're looking for love, skip the Kenny G and instead mop the floor. Take out the trash. That's how you get rewarded my friends.

I'm not saying I don't like gifts. I'm currently whoring myself out for some Coach Poppy perfume as we speak. (Insert reminder my birthday is November 13).

I am not anti girly gestures. I love it when a man holds a door open for me. And not just because I'm carrying all of the heavy stuff. I love the texts or quick calls just to say you were thinking about me.

The same goes for me finding things sexy. I honestly don't know what "sexy" is. I see a dude shirtless, with muscles, I think "oh please put on a shirt". I see a hairy pudgy belly man with a big smile and sincere eyes, and I think "cute!". So yeah, if I had to pick a "sexy" man, it would be Adam Richman. He's funny, smart, and I could eat whatever I wanted on a date. I think Jesse Williams is the most beautiful man alive. But sexy? I don't know. Can he change my flat tire?

Maybe it's a trait I lack. I don't know anyone else that can't identify love in that sense. It makes me sound a tad prudish, but I am not. In fact, holding my face while you kiss me, or a simple brushing of your hand across my face, and I'm yours. :)

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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Thanks a lot Callie!

I cooked dinner tonight. While I am sitting on the porch, enjoying the cool weather, the neighbors dog comes over. Scott threw her the leftovers. She buried them. Self esteem crushed, check!

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Channeling my inner grade schooler tonight

Since I am having to do Bailey's homework. Can you say wrapped around her finger?

Every kid needs hair that matched the family dog.

Monday, April 4, 2011

More things overheard at our house

Callie, the neighbors dog, will come inside when we open the door, makes her rounds so we pet her, then lays in front of the frig until we give her a piece of ham or turkey. We will continue these antics until she likes us the best. :)

Tonight, she comes in, heads straight to the frig.

Scott- "sorry girl, I don't have anything for you. Oh wait, there is some leftover bacon."

Me- "Oh my God Scott! Why not feed her money?"

He thought this was hilarious.

I'm less a piece of crispy bacon.
I see no humor.

Makes note to buy dog treats.
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