Wednesday, November 30, 2011

And let there be light.

I have never attempted to hang Christmas lights in my life. Some things I just know that I will not be able to do. I was correct. Thank you to my husband for hanging them, and my sister for supervising.

I blurred her out so she wouldn't club me to death.

I can't remember exactly why I started raking pine straw, but I did, and we burned it.
Lesson to the lesser wise, such as myself. If you throw a 20 oz plastic bottle into a fire, take off the lid. It will shoot off like a rocket and catch your shoe on fire. Just saying.

Not a good day for my shoes either. I slipped in dog poo. If I had fell in it, I would have lost a Horcrux. I did find a new home for the shoes.

I went to my mom's to get my Christmas tree. I thought it was perfect!

Clearly I was mistaken, and was given this as well. Given that our house is SO small, and there is no extra room for anything, I had to dissemble the aquarium (no fish in it anyway), and put the tree on top of the stand. This is what it looked like when I put the lights on.

And this is Scott fixing my lights....

The finished result:

I had extra lights. I decided to hang them in the kitchen window. With hospital surgical tape. I'm that special.

I even got a little bit of Paula Deen in my yard..

Every tree needs an armadillo on it. With a plastic tie in place of a hook.

The final result. You can't see my pink flamingos, but they're there :)
This just reeks of #LouisianaLife

On an unrelated note...


Sunday, November 27, 2011

A dog's seeing eye dog

Lily is a Great Dane that has been blind since a bizarre medical condition required that she have both eyes removed. For the last 5 years, Maddison, another Great Dane, has been her sight. The two are, of course, inseparable.

I originally saw this here: 22 Words

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I wonder if they come in lime green...

I have this paranoia of something crawling in my ear while I am asleep. This has never happened to me, so I am not sure where the fear comes from. I do though, have to sleep with a pillow over my head. I have done this for as long as I can remember.
I saw this pic today, and it seems my troubles have ended:

I will totally be a baller now!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

In which we're the Donner Party.

You guessed it..another bedtime conversation.

I've mentioned several times that my husband is an anemic little girl. It will be 75 degrees, and he's like "where is my sock hat?"

He comes in the bedroom, and turns off the fan (Matt), and I give him the "I will cut you if you touch me" look. I am toasty, but he gets in the bed, wraps up like a cat burrito**, and starts shivering like Jack Dawson.

I gave in, and said "fine, use me for warmth".

*Few moments go by*
*He's still shaking like he's having an epileptic fit*

Me: You know, I have come to the terms that if we're trapped in a cave during a blizzard, that I would only be used for warmth and food.

Scott: What?

Me: Because I'm warmer than you. And I have more fat. And you're pretty much just bones lately.
Wait. You can't eat me. I have more fat, therefore, I can live longer. I am totally a survivor. I would kick ass in The Hunger Games. You, not so much.
My body will feed like a buffet for days. Sorry dude.
But wait. I stay thirsty. I will have a caffeine headache. This won't do.
This is the worst snow in ever.

Scott: Hey can I... *the following conversation deleted for your own good*

Me: No. Go to sleep.


Cat burrito

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Deep other people

I came across pages of memorable quotes while Stumbling...these are some of my favorites.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Today I went on and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.

Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.

I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.

Don't judge a book by its movie.

Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.

I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

I asked Scott to give me a quote from his heart...
this is taking while...
I've rejected several...
he is definitely NOT Johnny on the spot...
now he's plagiarizing comic books...
here we go:
"It is not what you get out of life, but what you take away from it that matters"

Crazy cat lady...again

I have "acquired" another animal. Her name is Tonks. Like Callie, she just showed up one day, ate some food, and never left.

When she gets comfortable, she never moves.

And my husband gave me permission to use the pics with his sexy bod....

We were laying in bed, and she wedged herself in between us, then buried herself underneath him.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

12,054 days old

Today I turned the big 33.

The plans over the last few days have changed so much, but it was a good day. Scott made my favorite breakfast of grilled cheese, I lounged around for about an hour and listened to music, all my favorite songs of course. We then went to eat at Lucky Village, where gluttony was enacted on rice noodles and sushi. I spent a couple of hours at my mom's where I received the sweetest gift ever!!!

Mother told her to yell "SURPRISE" when I walked in, and Serenity said "WAIT, I have to get her a present!!" So a penguin mask in a shoe box is what I got :)

And for every year of my life, including the 9 I lived in Alabama, I have gotten a cake from our beloved friend Randy.

...and the icing turned our teeth green

My mom bought me the printer I have been wanting :)

I still have a couple more gifts on the way, so I will be ballin' like a big shot.

After a year of drooling over it, my loving husband bought me Coach Poppy perfume. I smell awesome.

**sniff here**

Since I decided calories don't count on your birthday, I had a big fat cheeseburger for dinner. And possibly some fries. And 2 pieces of cake.

Now I am vegged on the couch with Scott watching Harry Potter.
I may or may not being tearing up at Snape.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Why people never come to visit us

As most of my blogs begin...

Scott and I were laying in bed, having our nightly conversation before sleep.

Me: *coughs*

Scott: You coughed on me.

Me: I didn't, nothing came out.

Me: *coughs loudly into my hand*

Scott: See? Something came out that time.

Me: I covered it with my hand.

Scott: You know when you cough you pee. You're going to have to start wearing Depends.

Me: I know. Or at least Poise pads.
I tried doing Kegels, but that makes my ears itch.


Me: It's hard to explain.

A few minutes go by....

Scott: I pooted.
Something came out.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

And Bingo was her name-o

This weekend is the town "Fall Festival". And for the non-Louisiana natives, this consists of a parade, booths, games, and a live band. When I say parade I mean school kids, 4-wheelers, horses, an occasional race car, and my uncle Red on a golf cart. I do look forward to going though, I haven't been since 2001.
Scott asked what type of entertainment was provided.

Scott: Are there games?

Me: Yeah, they have cow patty bingo.



Scott: Is that what I think it is?

Me: If you think people draw numbered squares on the ground and sets a cow free, and whatever number it poops on wins, then....yes.

Scott: That's retarded!!!
What do you usually win for something like this?

Me: I don't know, usually a cake.

Scott: So it's a bunch of people waiting around for a cow to sh**?
For a sh** cake??
Only in Louisiana.

I don't think I will bring him along for the festivities.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

'Tis the season. Or not.

While it is no surprise that I am a complete Grinch during the Christmas holidays, or any day for that matter, there are some things that I do enjoy during the Christmas Season. All 108 days of it.

The "Peter" Folgers Commercial.

Home Alone.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (that I watch year-round)

I have watched this no less than 100 times and I still laugh.

Gingerbread Men

Because they're flippin' adorable

I like the commercial where "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" is played with the Hershey Kisses. But ONLY on Christmas Eve.

Christmas cartoons, i.e. Charlie Brown, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph.
NOT to be confused with crappy Christmas Specials. Those I loathe.

The fact that it is cold. Or in Louisiana, I have to put on my windbreaker and turn off one of the 3 fans.

Poinsettias. I know they stink, and I kill every one I buy.

National Lampoons Christmas Vacation (that I also watch year-round)

snowman marketing Pictures, Images and Photos

Time with my family. Although in the hotel industry, I know I will probably have to work Christmas morning. Drat. But, I really love what I do, and the "we have to be here 24-7" comes with the job.

And last but not all time favorite movie....

A Christmas Story. 24 glorious hours of it. I bought the DVD, but refuse to watch it before December. I couldn't begin to count how many times I have seen it. This will be my 33rd Christmas. On average I watch it 10 times a year. Sheesh.

I heard Christmas music playing on November 1st, thus the inevitable "Why I am a Grinch" blog will happen.
Or in the words of Cam Newton, "soonly".

Friday, November 4, 2011

My lurking dog

After seeing "Paranomal Activity 3" tonight, I am convinced Callie belonged to creepy Cristy.

I move the pillow of out my lap, and..

I hear something in the bedroom, I pick up my head, look over my husband, and...

I am almost asleep, and I feel something warm on my face, and..

So yeah. I am investing in some Holy Water.

I saw no Great Pumpkin...

I wait all year for October. This one was a dumpster fire.

However, Scott is out of the hospital and doing better.

Related blog: It was the worst of times...

I am slowly getting over my sickness, and don't feel AS MUCH like a wet rag.
dirty wet rag

Our "stolen" dog is still here, and making us laugh.
My lurking dog

Work is about to get BUSY, so I am enjoying as much normalcy as possible.

I survived "Paranormal Activity 3 " tonight. NOT my type of movie, but I went with the flow. I will never sleep peacefully again.

There was a dead honeybee in my window sill today, I go to pick it up by its little legs and toss it in the stung me. I hope the little bastard died twice. It still hurts.

I actually managed to get my sister to stay the night with me. Twice!

I am not a fan of the constant pain in my left leg.

Scott traded in all of his old PS3 games and bought "Uncharted 3" today. This makes me happy, I like the series. I also won't have a conversation with him until he finishes it.

The Alabama/LSU game is tomorrow. I fear I will lose a lot of friends, seeing how I am deep in Tiger country.

I turn 33 in 8 days. Sigh.

I was going to do a "Things I am Thankful For" countdown blog to Thanksgiving, but several people are doing that on Facebook, so blah on that.

Scott found his dream hoodie today. Complete with pointy ears:

This guy cracked me up the other day. We were waiting on our drinks at Sonic, and he was just sitting there with a lost look on his face, holding a dollar.

Scott's brother came to visit last weekend. It felt good to see him happy. After the hospital scare, and being sick for several weeks, it was good to see him smile again. I've said it before, Scott won me over when I first saw him with his family. His brother is the light of his life, just as my sisters are mine.

They are playing Christmas music everywhere. This may be the year that I snap Clark Griswold style.

I have become a coupon junkie. I am obsessed with finding them and printing them out, but have yet to use one. But they are there, waiting for the kill.

I suppose that is all. I am half full of optimism that November will be better.
I know it won't be for the bee.