Saturday, October 27, 2012

The night Matt tried to kill me

As you may know, I have a love affair with my oscillating fan, Matt.
If not, here you go:
Matt is tearing us apart
In which we're the Donner Party
We have had our good times and bad. Now, he's gone and done it.

Let us set the scene:
We watch the movie, V/H/S . Don't do it. Any movie that is filmed with a hand held camera never ends well for me. Paranormal Activity 1-3...I am still recovering. Blair Witch was over 10 years ago, and I still get freaked driving through the woods at night. Cloverfield was the exception. That was just lame.
So I watch this freaked out movie, take a shower, and go to bed. Scott is brushing his teeth, and I decide, of course, it is time for Matt. My knee was hurting already from falling off the porch (I forgot I moved my steps..) so I had it on a pillow on the edge of the bed. When I lean forward to turn on the fan, I put too much weight on the pillow, and head first off the bed I go. I tried to brace myself with my left hand, but when booty & company starting the descend, my entire body shifted, my arm popped, and I was facing the opposite direction.
My back and hip were skinned up, because the bookshelf was an unforgiving wench. I knew my arm was hurting, but not until a minute or so after I stood up, I knew I was in trouble. I fall all the time, so I am used to minor injuries, but this was the Big Mamma Jamma.

My face^^
I wrapped it in a heating pad, propped it up, and then dug in the medicine cabinet for pain relief. I found a Lortab from when Scott was in the hospital.

As soon as I turned out the lights, I saw that half of the bedroom ceiling was lit up. Scott said it wasn't. I was convinced the creatures from the movie were doing something to my brain. I closed one eye, tested it with the other, and the light was still there. TURNS OUT, when I fell I flipped over the surge protector, and there is a dim light that shines. I never see this, because I have it turned the other way. Good to know I am not dying/being attacked. Later I KNOW I am hearing voices, and of course, Scott doesn't hear them. TURNS OUT, it was my iPod blaring through the earbuds that had ended up on the floor. Again, not being attacked by unknown entities.
It also turns out I am a lightweight in the drug department. I do believe I was levitating and I saw the Pyramids, Niagara Falls, and Woodstock. This little generic Lortab to me was what I can only assume be a Valium/Methadone mix for others.

However, I survived Hyperextended Elbow 2012.
Thank you to all my coworkers for helping me out when I couldn't use the stapler or get my money out of my pants.

Alternating between sling and ace bandage, I managed to work without whining.
I lied about the whining.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I forgot to thank my husband. Without him I would have had to fix my own sandwich.