Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
Lately I have been having "old people" issues. I am not talking about bed wetting or misjudging a fart, but I am starting to question "Am I too old to do this?"
The first time it happened, was when I went to my niece's school to pick her up, and a high school student called me "Maam". WHAT!!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU WERE BEING POLITE!!!
Then, I went to see "Eclipse". I knew Scott didn't want to go, so I went during a weekday. At first I was the only person, and then a couple of grown folks came in, and right as the movie started, it was like Camp Rock in there. Not only did I feel awkward for sitting by myself eating smuggled in Taco Bell, I felt like "omg they're looking at me". I knew they weren't. But the thought hit me, "am I too old for Twilight?". (not that I care, the books are awesome-o)
Then, what got me to REALLY thinking is, I decided I wanted a very thin streak of pink in my hair. Why, I don't know, it's not really my thing, and not like me at all. It was just a random thought. When I mentioned it to Scott, he was all for it. He's all into the odd hair colors and stuff. When I had the "orange" episode last winter and was panicking, he kept telling me to leave it, that he liked it.
I said "it looks like a traffic cone!!". But I dyed it back, sad for him. Back to my story...I told (unnamed person)and she said "No.You're too old". Sigh. Nail in coffin. So then I started questioning everything. Should I NOT paint my nails blue, or red with white polka dots? Granted these are things most people wouldn't do at any age. It's just a quirky part deep inside me. I like to be different, but not too much to stand out.
Finally last year I stopped using Teen Spirit deodorant. I kept it around so long, I love how it smells! But I had a "what if someone sees me with it, they will think I am having a mid life crisis". Like the 40 year olds in the college bars. Or Matthew McConaughey in "Dazed and Confused". Rob Lowe in "St Elmo's Fire".
It isn't that I refuse to grow up, or want to live in the past. I accepted that I am a funsucker and have moved on. But certain things that I do, I just wonder. And let's not discuss my Dawson's Creek obsession, shall we?
One part of me says it's my life and I don't need to worry about what others think. But there is a tiny part that worries if people think I am "that" person who wants to remain a teenager. Yes, I still have my blocked heel Candies that I bought in '97. Yes, I still wear them. Even though my sister and mother say "oh no you're not!!" I listen to 90's rock, and still want to be and dress like Kelly Taylor.
I am still in love with Kat Stratford's character and want a pair of flip flops like her.
I suppose I am stuck in a time warp, the 90's are my happy place. I listen to Classic Rock stations now, because all the music I like it on there. I used to mock Scott for not listening to "music from this decade", and now he's all Top 40 and I have wandered to Rock 99 or KZBL :)
But as I sit here with my blue nails with silver tips, and black toenails with orange polka dots, I won't worry about it today.
At least I stopped wearing flannel shirts...
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown